I HATED my first month of working. I really sincerely hated it. Anyone who asked me how my job was going got nothing but the truth. I couldn't pretend that I liked it... haha, I didn't handle it very well. But I have to say, after a month I started not hating it so much, and lately, I have even liked it!! It is still very scary and sometimes I wonder why in the world I chose to do this... but I have begun to receive the satisfaction that keeps nurses going. In the beginning I felt SO incompetent and freaked out of my mind, but I have begun to realize that there will always be new things and I will always be learning. I have started relishing in the special moments I share with my patients and all the new things I am learning. I still struggle functioning like a normal person after working all night long, and I still have nights where I feel overwhelmed, but I am starting to find joy in my job. I have started to feel like I actually help people, I learn, I grow, I will some day be the nurse I want to be.
I have to say that the Lord has truly blessed me. As much as I have complained and hated starting this new job, it is exactly what I wanted. And the Lord has helped me with every step. During one of my hardest times I was reading the Hymn: Lord, I would follow thee. Ive talked about it before... Anyway, I read something that stood out to me and needed to be shared. A part of the verse says "finding strength beyond my own", and "find in Thee my strength my beacon". It hit me, I was not strong enough to do this on my own. Obvious to many... but I just hadn't recognized it. Even though I felt weak and incapable, the Lord would help me.
I have to recognize someone else who has helped me...Chandler has been my biggest support. Visiting me for a late night snack at the hospital cafeteria, holding me while I ball my eyes out after a long night, surprising me with treats when I get home, making dinner for me before I go to work (even though I havent cooked for him since way too long...), refusing to let me do the dishes when I get home in the morning, running errands, and just putting up with all the craziness Ive felt. He is just the best. I cant imagine a better companion to be by my side through all this.
This post is for EVERYONE who has put up with my complaining... I know I'm being kind of dramatic, but I am learning. Tomorrow I start orienting in the ICU. Lets see how much I learned from this experience...
2 comments:
Don't worry Karen, in my first few weeks there were plenty of times when I cried on my way home from work, wondering if I'd ever actually like it. I guess it just takes time because it's not easy, but I have to agree with you, eventually the rewards come.
(This is Nicole Fletcher, by the way, sorry to be a blog stalker!)
You are so cute! Glad that the transition is getting better and more importantly, yeah for being done with the RN residency (what a waste of time!). Hope life is going well :) miss seeing you !
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